Chapter 1
Looking
back over the years, I realise the change that I have gone through in my
thought process - The thought process to perceive goals and achieve them. I was
really not thinking in those terms for some years now. And over the period I
found myself blank about what I wanted to do.
This
realisation struck me after I read news on internet about an old classmate of
mine. I thought how she must have put her thoughts into concrete and built
story to reach these heights and make news!! She was above an ordinary child
but I would not recall her as an excellent performer or something like a
student standing out in the crowd. Ok not moving deeper into her performance description,
I was just awed with her success and that made me delve into myself…what
happened to me. It was then I realised that I had stopped dreaming – dreaming
about what I wanted.
I
think most (infact all) of you would agree that it is our dreams that make us
what we are. To be more precise - “Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming,
we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of
planning.” - Gloria Steinem
It
is our dreams that give us an idea what we as individuals want in life; in all
sizes and phases of life – be it your professional success, or the way you wish to decorate your
house or the friends you choose…probably I think eventually everything comes
from dreams that we see awake. Infact the greatest inventions in this world
came from those dreams that one visualised. Even a small kid also dreams of
being a topper which energises him to persuade it.
Giving
you a gist of my past madness on dreaming, I used to conjure new dreams
everyday. Some of you might find it funny as I tell how I used to dream but
somehow it really worked for me making it clear what I wanted and how I was
required to move forward in that direction.
Everyday
in the evening I used to take a walk in my lawn alone and I was most irritated
when my mother or my sister tried to give me company during that time (though
they haven’t known this until now.) This walk was my dream time when I used to
visualise everything I wanted to do and walking with them meant I could not do
the self-talk. Apart from big dreams like getting admission in a high-ranked college
or getting selecting for a job, it also included small bits of details like my
friends around (characters that I had never met, my own creations), my chitter-chatter
with them, events happening in that college/office and everything about being
in that scenario itself. It used to give me so much energy to put more to
accomplish my dreams.
But
just dreaming wont help as well. As I said the energy accomplished by that dream
need to be put into action too.
To
continue with my story - I then went to college, got a reasonable job, got married
to an excellent guy and then came into my life a terrific kid…and over this
period the process of dreaming vanished. Everything else occupied me so much
that I stopped dreaming, eventually not really knowing what I wanted and
finally getting into a frustration mode.
******
Chapter 2
Initially
I could not realise that I had stopped dreaming as all other stuff kept me
occupied.
I
am a housewife and a mother of one now. And over this phase I have at times
felt frustrated with what I was doing. I really did not want to do what I was
doing – cooking food, cleaning dishes and so on. I do not deny that aspect of
my life and that I can completely exclude myself from these tasks. I even do
not say that I hate doing these tasks but I needed to do something else as well
that I could perceive as contentedness of achievement.
But
on the other hand every time when I thought that I did not want to do what I
was doing, the next obvious question was – ‘Then what do you want to do?’ And to
be true I did not have answer to it…I was blank. And I felt so foolish of
myself.
Slowly
as I realised this frustration and blankness wasn’t leading me anywhere and
that no one but I needed to help myself, I indulged into self-inspection... and
I could perceive a lot of difference in my thought process…but mind you not really a difference for
the good. This realisation that I have changed and changed not for good, has
been quite depressive. I had to get deeper into my past and think what was
keeping me happy then, how was I seeking for it.
*****
Chapter 3
I
wrote my story in the previous pages to reinstate what changes I have gone
through. Many of you who are reading this might have had a similar experience
and would really need a similar self-realisation like I did.
Going
back to my dreaming phase, it would be necessary to mention that mine is not a ‘very-happy-ending’
story to say that I achieved everything I dreamt. But that does not mean I
should have stopped dreaming. Dreams are our GPS Navigators driving us through
the path to achieve our ultimate goal. They give us focus. Though I did not
reach the ultimate goal but I was driving my own sketched path and discovering
new beauties, pastures, adventures – whatever you like to call them as...and most importantly keeping happy!
It
was when I stopped dreaming that I lost my focus. It was like I halted on a free-way as one of my landmark and after that never pictured my future destination. For
me what was missing was dreaming the next destination.
So really never stop dreaming. It is just that
when this ‘no-idea’ approaches, you need to sit down and think; may be going
back to the past – what you wanted badly then and how much of it did you
achieve. I am sure when you think of those past dreams you’ll get the push. For
me it worked, I wanted to do something exposing my writing skills and then an
instant thought pushed me to scribble these pages.
Just
when you dream you get the energy and a pathway to follow.
It
is a way to begin picture yourself on a new place again and make yourself move
forward. You’ll realise when you start over again, you’ll feel the energy and
new destinations will pour in. You need to just chalk out your landmarks.
If you don’t know what you want to do, it’s harder to do it. - Malcolm Forbes...Therefore
you need to dream of what you want to accomplish.
*****
Chapter 4
So
in the last chapter probably you got the key. The key is to dream.
In
a fast forward motion probably you might have even quickly dreamt what you
would want to do. But as you might be tracking out your way, I am sure, most of
you would be foreseeing the obstacles as well. Then I should tell you that the
obstacles, or excuses as my husband would preferably like to call, would always
be present on any path you choose.
There
were obstacles even when we went to school. We never thought of the ‘flunking’ before
stepping in the school. We were then in a phase where we could not even perceive
those obstacles and we just began our ride on a high note. (And no doubt we
were backed up by our parents then.) Now when we have grown up we put our
initial energies into perceiving obstacles and sitting down as a failure much
before starting our journey. It is how we find a work around to move past these
obstacles that matters and is worth an applause.
Far
away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them,
but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them and try to follow where
they lead. - Louisa May Alcott
I
know so many people around me who before delving onto the road, they wish to
travel, foresee the rocks and mountains ahead. And they never end up travelling
that road because there are obstacles. But probably if they could recognize the
adventure in climbing up those mountains and feel the beauty of their success
ride, there could never be a reverse gear.
Just
a thought - whether you would choose to be a fire fighter fighting the fire or you
choose to cry over the calamity?
Everyone
who achieves success in a great venture, solves each problem as they came to
it. They helped themselves. And they were helped through powers known and
unknown to them at the time they set out on their voyage. They keep going
regardless of the obstacles they met. - W. Clement Stone
A bumpy ride is fun sometimes right? So let’s start the travel…
*****
Chapter 5
There
were times when I practised a few things to follow my dreams...those that had
come to me as a natural instinct then and those that my parents taught. Even
they had vanished. And now when I read some of those best-seller self-help
books I recall them so well. You pick any of these books and you’ll find they
are all full of such tips that are so ordinary tasks (and probably once were your daily practice). But when you grow into an adult, people
say you get mature but sometimes with this maturity, synchronisation of these old practices’ get dysfunctional. And no doubt when
you are losing the sync, such books help to revitalise your thoughts.
For
example, I had lost my reading habit all these years and my obstacle (excuse)
was time. I did not find time to read. Then one day I went to a book shop and
bought a self help book. It was on Time Management. Of so many things that
it mentioned, one was to initiate a task now that has been pending for sometime with
you. And to start with the task, it said find every day a couple of minutes
to do it initially. And it worked. I started the same practice with that book. And
yes it was so simple…
Then
in the recent past, for everything I could not do I had created an obstacle ‘I
don’t find time’, as I said earlier. That is because I was considering the
whole amount of task to be completed rather than a small chunk to be initiated.
I wasn’t thinking of couple of minutes but was calculating hours.
I
literally mean a couple of minutes, may be, five minutes or even lesser to
start with. To get hold of a good habit is tough, therefore starting with a
small amount of it, as a task, is a substantial effort. Slowly it drips down
into your nerves and it did it in me too. I started with the ‘five-minute’
thing and today I find almost an hour daily to read a book!!
This
was just an example. You might like to pick up some practise that has worked
for you in the past. Such practises will help you initiate your steps towards
your dreams and guide you further to approach the landmarks and finally reach the
destinations.
So
here’s the conclusion. Find a road that would lead to your destination and pick
a practice to get started (to persuade your dreams). Then when a walk on that road
becomes your practice find the first landmark that you need to reach. Gear
yourself for the ride…DRIVE MAN!!
*****
Chapter 6
Before I move a step further where we analyse molding those dreams into constructive thoughts, I would like to add - As
a house maker you'll need a greater push to dream and give yourself a direction
that defines contentment to you. It took me almost a year to realise, think
and find myself with a vision of what I wanted to do.
Interrogating myself from older perspective I realised the negative changes
reflected in me after I left my job.
To
this change process in myself I would include a characteristic penetrating into
me was the gossiping habit (Ya…sadly it did), which I had hated over the years
so much. But over the past couple of years, no probably months, I realised that
I have started inhaling it though not breathing. I might not be really
gossiping around but yes I was getting myself into thinking of interpreting
what one said; specially bringing up the destructive interpretations and then
pronouncing it to my friends and folk as well. Oh my god…how could I do this!!!
No,
I wasn’t sitting idle after I took break from my job. It was something else.
Once I had an argument with my husband over this. He even thought that I was
sitting idle and was putting my negative energy to kill time. But as a house-maker
you have so many tasks on routine that there’s no question of being idle.
In fact I have an explanation to where these negative and destructive
interpretations for gossips came up from. A house-maker is always physically
occupied with activities but mentally there is not much to put in with
repetitive routine tasks. So there goes your skill as to what you pick to
engage your mind into – constructive or destructive thoughts while you are engaged
in those daily routines. Like when you are vacuuming your house how do you
master your mind – Do you think of:
How
could I decorate this part of the room I am cleaning?
OR
What
did that lady mean when she said to me on the phone…
Sadly, slowly and unconsciously I chose the latter one, a destructive path, which
conclusively led me to this entire interpreting and gossiping thing.
Therefore
when you opt to be a house-maker you should be conscious of your thoughts (at
least I feel it so). If you choose the right direction in the beginning…you
might actually not need this story at all!! But if you have already taken the
destructive path, you will need a greater push.
I
recovered from destructive thinking though. This story is the best example of
that. Oh you don’t understand that? What I am actually saying is that the idea
of writing this piece came from involving myself into CONSTRUCTIVE DREAMING
while cutting vegetables!! And most of the work here is part of that dreaming practice
while on my routine home assignments. And I can no more complain that I do not
find time.
“Thoughts Become
Things... Choose The Good Ones!” -Mike Dooley
*****
And
as I walked down the lobby, my eyes went searching each room that I passed by,
looking at each person around and keeping my ears open for every word that went
in the air – all of it to really understand what was in there. I came across an
old man asking for water from another nurse because in his words he was ‘scared
to death’ with all those tests being performed on him. Then I realized that one
of the four of us was an old woman. She slowly walked supporting herself with a
stick and holding her man’s hand. Their grip was tight as it would have been all these
years of togetherness. We walked a few more steps and then one by one, we
were all shown changing rooms to dress into the blue patient gowns. It appeared
in the next second I would be laid on a stretcher and taken to OT, a mask on my
face as the stretcher would move, a light from the ceiling would go past my
eyes almost blinding me, and then several human figures would appear with masks
and blue gowns, the only difference between me and them – I lay on the
stretcher, they stand next to me with each carrying a pair of scissor and
forceps and all other medical instruments. No nothing as such happened, though
I’ll take the glory in dramatizing it highly.
